Ready for your weekly Skedge!?
Inside My 90-Min Thai Massage…
Every now and then, I try to sneak in a little ME-time.
Time where I can turn off my super-busy brain and just “BE” (as the uber-zen-guru-types like to say).
Recently, I partook in such a ME-occasion at the local Thai Massage Spa on Manchester Rd.
For someone who beats up their body as much as I do, it would be wise for me to make massage… yoga… and other restorative measures a regular part of my regimen.
Be advised… contrary to popular belief, even the Ceej-E-O isn’t getting everything exactly right. (Which is cool… because there’s always room ror growth and improvement.)
I’m not a total massage virgin… but I can still count my total massage experiences on one hand.
So I’m not always sure on the protocol.
My first question to my masseuse, Kesinee, is an embarrassing one, “Am I totally naked for this??”
Kesinee nods, albeit unconvincingly. Her wall is plastered with certifications and commendations. She’s clearly a master of her craft. But it’s also clear that English is her second language, so I’m trying to avoid any potential “misunderstandings”.
I disrobe and hurry underneath my sheet. Your move, Kesinee.
As Kesinee enters the room, I keep my face in the little pillow circle at the top of the table. Unsure where to put my arms, they hang lifelessly off the side of the table as I await any further instructions.
Kesinee starts with a warning, sensing that I’m a total Noob.
“This is a Thai massage. If it becomes too painful at any point, you need to let me know.”
Awesome!… I came here for relaxation, and she’s issuing the tap-out rules as if I’m entering the octagon for a mixed-martial arts event.
I voice my understanding, but having sized up my opponent it seems unlikely this 100-lb Asian woman will be able to get a macho trainer like myself to cry, “Uncle”.
I decide at the onset, that I can take anything Kesinee can dish out.
Go ahead, Kesinee, do your worst.
I don’t know how most people’s minds operate during a massage. But my monkey-mind seems to run a mile-a-minute with scarcely a moment of down time to just “BE”.
Here’s a look at some of my random thoughts during my 90-min massage:
“What’s the deal with the donut-shaped pillow for your face on a massage table?… Is this the best solution we’ve come up with to allow a person to relax?… Is it because people like donuts?…
Does everybody feel their nasal passages get stopped up while in this face-down position?… What if I need a tissue?… Is it rude to interrupt for an un-sanctioned snot break?… Or is it ruder if mucus falls out of my nose involuntarily and onto the floor?…
Dude! I could be a millionaire if I came up with a better mousetrap for this system… What would that look like?… Damn, I got nothing…
What’s Kesinee doing?… Whoa! Did she just get up on the table?… Hard to tell when you’re trapped in donut-vision… Yep, she’s definitely on the table… Is that her heel?… Go for it girl, don’t be shy, get in there… CJ’s tight and needs some Thai relaxation magic!
What kind of oil is that?… Is it some exotic essential oil?… Or something synthetic from Johnson & Johnson?… OMG, do you ever turn it off Ceej?… But it may be worthy of a Throwdown Thursday video for YouTube… BTW, you’re way behind on your YouTube content for 2018… Slacker…
What else do I have to do today?… How about be present in the moment you Dillhole… Don’t call me a dillhole, Dillhole!… I am behind on several of my projects though… If I’m gonna save the world, I really need to step my game up… Should my coaching program include genetic testing?… Which podcast episode was breaking that down so well… There was definitely another book I needed to buy… I’ve got the perfect idea for… OWWWWWWWWWW!
Kesinee, you beotch!… We didn’t discuss safe words… What are you up to back there?…
Pretty sure I saw this in the WWE… feels like an arm-bar submission hold… Let her do her thing you panzy… She’s a pro… And I’m not tapping out…
Maybe I should get a massage license… and a chiropractic license… and that Chek Institute license… and a license to kill… Easy, James Bond, your mission is to improve lives, not end them… But maybe I should have a martini when I get home tonight… maybe I should google how to make a martini…
Thank God… she finally had me turn over… You have no idea how close you came to me snotting your floor, Kesinee… Should be smooth sailing from here…
What. Is. H-A-P-P-E-N-I-N-G on my IT Band… and why is that so sensitive? Did Jack Bauer know about the IT Band protocols for torturing terrorists? I wonder if they’ll bring ’24’ back… you know, with Kiefer Sutherland, not that sorry excuse of a series they tried without Jack… I bet Kiefer would be super fun to go party with…
I wonder if any of this experience would be useful for a blog post… I should recommend everybody get a massage from Kesinee… Homegirl is tough, but awesome… Should I do a yoga day at Bootcamp?… Maybe I should learn to yoga first…
I’m still naked… But it’s not weird at this point… Exactly how many minutes do you have to be naked before it stops being weird?… Is Kesinee noticing my chiseled physique?… How often do you think she gets Bootcamp super-trainers in here?… Guess it’s your luck-y day Kesinee…Lol… Wow look at the ego on me… This is her job you moron… You’re just a lump of meat on a table… Get over yourself…
HA! She just touched my butt! …Seriously, what are you, 12??… It’s just anatomy and she’s a professional you weirdo. When’s the last time somebody touched my butt?… It was Derek… Yup, definitely Derek… That’s disturbing… Remember not to include that when you make this into a post…
Did the music just turn off?… Yup, end of the CD… Kesinee, you’re a pro, but somebody needs to show you the ‘Repeat’ button on your 1991 CD/cassette Boom Box…
Massage complete!… I made it… No tap outs… And no kinks left in my body!… Very impressive work Kesinee… This has been an awesome experience… Too bad I wasn’t present for all of it… LOL!”
Special thanks to Kesinee for an outstanding massage experience.
Kesinee Dam, Royal Thai Massage
15212C Manchester Rd, Ballwin, MO 63011
Special thanks to Zai for hooking this up for me and making it possible.
Special thanks to Thailand for coming up with the Thai massage.
Special thanks to Jack Bauer for saving America in 24 hours or less.
Special thanks to you for listening to my weekly ramblings. 😉
Mark your calendars for 5/19/2018!!
That’s right!… We’re going back to the Battlegrounds!
Our crew had such a blast in the last one, that there was no hesitation in signing up for the next one.
You gotta get in on this!
AND… If you register early, you get a discount! (Discount code: LETSBATTLE)
Don’t miss out!
Here’s what to do (step-by-step instructions):
Go here: http://thebattlegrounds.com/events/
Click Sign Up Now!
Click Sign Up Online Now
Click Register Now
Choose Afternoon Waves 12-3pm
Fill out the form… (CHOOSE Distance: 5k) (CHOOSE Team: Battle-Tested Bootcampers)
Before you finish checking out, use DISCOUNT CODE: LETSBATTLE to get $10 OFF!
Hoping to get a big team together for this one, dominate the course, create some new stories, and party like a rockstar at the finish line!
Discount code may only be good through the end of October… so don’t wait… sign up now and schedule your life around this event. 😉
CJ’s Book of the Week:
“Crushing It” by Gary Vaynerchuk
“Skedge” for 3/5/18-3/10/18
Manchester (Class Times: Mon-Fri @ 5:30/7:00/8:30am & Satuday @ 7am)
Monday: Core (CJ)
Tuesday: Lower (CJ)
Wednesday: Upper (CJ)
Thursday: Core (CJ)
Friday: Lower (CJ)
Saturday: Upper (CJ)
Owner, Operator, & “CeejEO”
St. Louis Fitness Bootcamp